The previous self talk mini series article in the my brilliant kidz re-programming series discussed how to implement the personalised self talk program. This is part 4 of the self talk mini series and discusses how a self talk program can apply to our kids.

Implementing a Self Talk program for children

There are a number of questions that come to mind when thinking about this:

Should we apply this to our children?

We are looking for ways to make our kids brilliant. The whole point of this is to help and reinforce our kids’ positive actions and thoughts in order to achieve being brilliant.

What issues does doing this cover? Firstly, by introducing an activity such as this, it helps to create a positive environment where children can pick up and get used to positive habits, thought processes and actions, by becoming a daily part of your family’s life.

Secondly, you have to work together with your child on this – the effect of this is to strengthen the bonding between you and your child, which in turn nurtures trust, confidence, friendship and respect.

I know from my experience, whenever I have spent time with my children on an activity or project, especially if you can give your child ownership, it has enhanced my relationship with my children. It also brings out a maturity, focus and self confidence in them.

Thirdly, they will be reinforcing either consciously or sub consciously, positive traits that will result in them taking the next step up.

How would you implement such a program?

The chances are that your kids are not going to keep a diary or sit down and analyse – it unlikely that they will be able to understand this process, especially if they are very young. You can create a self talk program in one of two ways:

a) Create a program for them, watching and looking out for the negative aspects.
The way I would do is to create a personalised self talk program as described in previous articles, and record their self talk onto an MP3 or other recording equipment, and than playback this to them when they are asleep at night.

b) Your kids might be old enough to be able to speak to them selves – Again you create the program as mentioned in the above point, and speak it with them a few times, until they are confident to speak it themselves. This is good practice for your children, not only giving them confidence, but also reinforcing the positives far better.

You will need to also think about a system of reward – rewarding success is a huge motivator. When do you recognise their successes and what rewards do you give them? Extra play time, a special meal….? You will need to try a few things to see what works. My suggestion is to give small but frequent rewards for many small wins, and a large special award for bigger successes – for example – great results at school tests or exams, getting onto the football team, tidying up their room….etc

You need to remember that this only one tool to help your children, and must be used in conjunction with other strategies. A holistic approach needs to be taken – for example -looking at your children’s dietary needs, spiritual needs, financial intelligence, creativity and problem solving……We will be posting more on each of these at mybrilliantkidz.com.

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The previous self talk mini series article in the my brilliant kidz re-programming series discussed how to create a personal self talk list, using an example. This is part 3 of the self talk mini series and discusses how now use this. This will complete the program.

How to implement the Self Talk program

You now need to keep the list with you at all times – in your pocket, wallet, handbag, dairy….

Next you need to earmark daily times when to read this list – I would suggest when you wake up so that it is the first thoughts in your mind of the day, and just before bed, so that it is the last thought before you sleep, plus any time during day to reinforce.

Next you need to read or replay this list. There are 2 ways you can do this -

• You can record on an MP3/ipod and replay. This is more effective if you record someone else’s voice – someone you respect
• Or read the list to yourself slowly & aloud – I find this is the most effective way. You can read this list 1-3 times. The point here is not too much that your brain will start to gloss over this. I normally read once, sometimes twice, but maybe read 3 times a day – morning, lunch, bed.

Next, read the power words more slowly and imagine or feel that characteristic inside you – calm, assured, powerful. These words are powerful reinforcers and help to support the self talk list indirectly by creating an emotional mindset to make your self talk sit more easily and ‘dissolve’ better into your brain.

Next you will need to use the technique of visualisation either as you are reading or afterwards. As you are reading visualise those things happening in your mind. Create a scene in your mind and repeat the same scene each time you read.

Now you want to add an extra line – your target date at the end to your self talk list -

“I will achieve by 31 Dec xxxx”.

If you have never done this before – you will naturally feel shyness, embarrassed or awkward. My tips to overcome these are:

• Do in private
• Once done – will get easier
• Make it a habit by repeating it
• Make sure desires and changes are powerful enough motivators. If they are not, then they are probably not the right ones, or you have not yet appreciated the impact of Self Talk and are not yet ready to try it.

You may also find that the novelty may wear off and feel stale. My suggestion is to keep a record or track of any small changes in your habits, thoughts etc in your daily log or diary.

And that’s it!

To summarise

• Self talk is a useful and powerful tool to ‘re-programme’ yourself
• You need to track what you do / actions /habits ahead of making your list
• Then create a self talk list
• Implement – read (or record and replay) at least twice a day
• Keep a track of your habits etc, look for small changes – these are small wins and are highly motivating.

In the next set of articles, we will be discussing how this can be applied to your kids.

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The previous self talk mini series article in the my brilliant kidz re-programming series discussed what self talk is, how it works and the impact it can have on us as parents and our children. This is part 2 of the self talk mini series and discusses how to create a self talk program.

How to create a Self Talk program

1. The first step is to think about

• Things you want to change about yourself
• Things you aspire to be
• Things that you want to do to help your kids

This is only really possible if you have been following the first two steps in the fourth part of Re-programming Series – How to start the change, as you will have had chance to think about these and observe where you are now. If you have not done these yet, I would recommend that you do.

2. The next step is to make a list of the above things. You need to make a few points rather than many – there is a tendency to put everything down – this is counterproductive and will not help you achieve the change. I would suggest up to 5 points. If you have more, than you can comeback to these once you have seen some results on the first ‘batch’.

Once you have made a list, you need to write the key change or driver resulting from that point.

Examples of these might be:

• Things you want to change about yourself – this is looking at the now
  • I get stressed up quickly – I want to be calmer. This could become – I am a calm person
  • My kids get their way all the time – I want to be more assertive – this could become – I am assertive  
• Things you aspire to be – this is forward looking towards your aims and goals
  • I want to be a successful parent – this could become – I will be a successful parent
  • I want to have a hugely successful home business – this could become – I will have a hugely successful home business.
  • I want to earn $1000 extra to send my kids to private tuition – this could become – I will earn $1000 extra to send my kids to private tuition
• Things that you want to do to help your kids
  • I want my kids to be good at maths -> I am helping my kids to be good in maths
  • I want my kids to be more positive -> I am helping my kids to be more positive
  • I want my kids to answering back all the time -> I am helping my kids to stop answering back.

3. The next step is to add some target dates, and some reinforcing ‘power’ words which represent powerful characteristics related to the above wishes.

Examples of this could be:

• Target dates – I tend to set a single target date, rather than individual dates as I find this helps to focus more on a single point – give yourself plenty of time – 6-9 months. Why this length? Well, it took you years to create your current habits, these cannot be changed overnight when you have limited time – thus a small step approach works better
  • I want to achieve this by the 31 December 20xx
•  Powerful characteristics – I will use the dictionary and thesaurus to help here
  • Calm
  • Serene
  • Wisdom
  • Clarity
  • Co-operation
  • Teamwork
  • Successful
  • Entrepreneur
  • Magnanimous
  • Assured
  • Powerful
  • Strong
  • Positive
  • Respect
  • Value

Just select 5-10 words that you like, that appeal to you and seem to represent what you have listed.

4. The next step is to write all of this down in a single list on single piece of paper, that you can keep with you. So from what we have listed above, my final list will now become:

• I am a calm person
• I am assertive
• I will be a successful parent
• I will have a hugely successful home business.
• I will earn $1000 extra to send my kids to private tuition
• I am helping my kids to be good in maths
• I am helping my kids to be more positive
• I am helping my kids to stop answering back.
• Calm
• Serene
• Wisdom
• Clarity
• Successful
• Entrepreneur
• Magnanimous
• Assured
• Powerful
• Strong
• Positive
• Respect
• Value 

And that’s all there is to it! You now have a simple and single Self Talk list to focus on. This list is a key part of your Self Talk program.

You now know how to create and construct a Self Talk list. You may not get this right at the first attempt, and that’s ok, just have another go. You need to create a list you feel comfortable with and that resonates and appeals to you – once you have this – stop and move on to the next step which will be in the next article – how to use this and start your Self Talk program.

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This is the next part in the my brilliant kidz re-programming series and the first in the self talk mini series.

Most people have not heard affirmations, self talk or incantations or know what they are. We thought it would be important to give our readers an overview of this useful but little known technique.  You do, however, need to remember that this is a technique to help re-program yourself, and in order for it to work, the nature of this technique is that it has to be applied repeatedly, consistently and needs to be reinforced. The good news is that once you have set it up (which does not take long), the whole technique takes 5-10 minutes, meaning that you can repeat it as many times as you like and almost anywhere.

Why do we need to do this? The answer is to improve ourselves in order to create a daily positive environment that our kids can copy the good and the positive from, giving them a greater opportunity to excel and be brilliant kids. A small change in our daily lives can have a huge impact on our children!

Put simply the effect of these small changes can change the status from a position of “Rubbish in, rubbish out” to “quality in, quality out”, from a stressful situation to a less stressful one. If you imagine driving and someone tries to race you at the lights, this can make the difference between staying calm and carrying on your way, or getting caught up and racing, getting booked and regretting it afterwards and paying a fine plus penalty points on your licence. I hope you see the point now.

You achieve this with your tongue – through self talk, daily affirmations and incantations, and then reinforcing this other techniques.

When you “self talk”, your brain’s sub conscious ‘listens’ – actually it is listening all the time – the more it listens, the more it believes.

Think about this. If 1 person tells you are wrong – there is less of an impact than if 100 people told you that you are wrong. The chances are that they maybe correct in their assessment, and therefore you are more likely to believe them. This is your brain and sub conscious believing the 100 people.

You can now use the same principle to re-train your brain to believe that you are what you wish to be or that you do will not act in a particular way. Through your self talk you are telling your brain this repeatedly, until it starts to believe. When this happens, thought processes and habits will start to change.

So how do you go about creating a program for yourself. Your self talk should be about your goals, your desires, what you want to become, what habits you want to change and must be positively motivated.  

Now you have a better understanding of what self talk is and how it works, and the impact it can have in helping our excel and becoming brilliant, we will look at how to create the program in the next article.

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